I didn’t end up racing the Fleetwood Sprint on Sunday 23rd September, so my triathlon season finished on the 1st July with the Outlaw.
In the early hours of the 22nd September my Mam died, even just typing that is hard.
For the last few weeks I’ve felt completely lost, I’ve been numb, angry, forgetful, tired, emotional – essentially a walking cliché for everything associated with grief and mourning. I always thought I’d be strong, you know, stiff upper lip and all that and I’ve been the complete opposite. At times I’ve probably not been nice to be around, it must have been hard work for Em seeing me this way.
Today I return to work, I can no longer hide. Do I feel ready? No. But life has to go on I guess. Everyone has been wonderful, offering their thoughts, their prayers and their support, it’s times like this when you realise what great friends you have. I don’t think you ever get over something like this, I know it’s something we will all face at some point in our lives and you just have to cope with it as best you can. There’s no training manual for grief, no time frame, you just have to try and do what feels right.
Over the past few weeks I’ve let myself go, eating crap, being lethargic, feeling sorry for myself, I can’t keep doing that. My Mam was very proud of what I’d achieved, over the past months she asked me about my new eating regime and my training. She was excited for me, she firmly believed that I could achieve my Ironman goals. I’m determined to prove her right, I’m determined to make her proud. She will be with me in spirit at the Outlaw next year, I won’t let her down.I miss you Mam, you’ll never be forgotten.
So today is a new day, it’s the start of me finding myself again.